[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Something just occurred to me.
This could be one of those TVs that you
literally can't operate without the remote.
One of the aliens could've panicked
and swallowed it as a security measure
once they heard me come in here.
If so, then... checkmate.
I'm not performing an autopsy
just to find the remote.
What the hell is this red stuff?
I don't like how it
just hangs in the air.
Best case scenario: this is some
sort of cleaning agent.
Worst case: it's an overgrown
bacteria that's already infected me,
and will take over my lungs in 72 hours.
...for the native life...
I mean, if not, I'm going to have
the alien equivalent of black lung.
Oh, okay, do I take this one or...
It's probably the same thing.
This is just a giant pair of nostrils.
So, that means I'm about to
enter the mustache.
It's good to go in heavily armed.
THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
[vortigaunts charging up]
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
Fucking electrical beams!
I'M GONNA HAVE NERVE DAMAGE,
I'VE BEEN SHOCKED SO MANY TIMES!
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!
EVERYBODY INTO THE PIT!
THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING COOL IS HAPPENING!
JUST JUMP RIGHT IN,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING!
SEE?! YOU SHOULD'VE
JUMPED INTO THE PIT!
IT'S A PIT PARTY AND YOU'RE INVITED!
Aww, you didn't fall the right way.
Well, there are certain standards
you have to adhere to.
Man, I'm in the pit, too, metaphorically.
I have to hand it to them--the scientists
REALLY knew how to screw me.
They didn't go halfway on this.
I can almost respect
that level of commitment,
but at the same time, that's what it took
to take me down. And now look at me.
The big joke of all this is I don't think
that this was an act of revenge.
[alien controller call]
What was that?
Eh, it must be nothing. These
guys aren't that big on stealth.
[vortigaunt charging up]
WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
THE PIT PARTY DOES NOT STOP!
Aliens! Come out to play!
ALIENS! COME OUT TO PLAY!
ALIENS! COME OUT TO PLAY-AY!
Yeah, that's it! They're
waiting for you down there.
No worries. You're fashionably late.
Well, I don't see anything else.
Just this architecture straight
out of Willy Wonka versus Hellraiser.
[vortigaunt charging up]
How did I miss him?!
[vortigaunt bolt]
OH! You missed ME!
Today we learned that explosive
projectiles have better range
than electricity arcing into the open air.
You think because it's humid in
here, you're the god of lightning.
Well, I have news for you:
you're not!
So, what was I thinking about?
Oh, yeah. Revenge!
While there's no doubt in my mind the
scientists did this to me intentionally,
I don't think it was personally motivated.
They sent hundreds of people
here without batting an eye.
There's no reason to think
I was an exception.
[vortigaunt charging up]
Uh oh!
The thing I don't get is, I'm not sure ANY
effort was made to recover the bodies.
So, if we were just sending people
one way, how did we learn anything?
I'm not sure we did, really.
We just put them in suits,
gave them a slap on the back,
and told them they'd
figure out how to return.
Classic pass-the-buck planning.
[straining]
Throw it... off the edge...
Oh, jeez. Getting dizzy...
[vortigaunt charging up]
Wuh...
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
NO! I'M SPINNING! DON'T THROW ME OFF!
[alien controller call]
What?
[vortigaunt charging up]
OW!
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
BACK THE FUCK UP!
THIS IS MY TURF NOW!
STOP MOVING, YOU SWIRLY FUCKS!
I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO STAND STILL!
Yeah, that was tight! Who said
anything about vomiting?
I-I-I didn't say anything about vomiting.
But, y'know, I mean, this would
be a good place to do it, though.
I mean, you have this big drop and the
low gravity and it'd be perfect.
But, yeah, I'm not gonna vomit.
I've got so little food in my stomach,
all I could do would be to dry heave.
So, I guess the inner ears of aliens
work very differently than ours
if they think that spinning
corkscrew elevators are a good idea.
Yeah, look at this place. They
fucking love their spirals, don't they?
They're screwy like that!
Shit! More of those
jack-in-the-box soldiers!
I'll teach you to leave your barrel!
This is what you can expect!
Yeah, your bees won't save you now!
There! That should--Jesus!
Bees and brutes and... barrels...
You know, I remember some of our
soldiers popping out of a box.
Now I'm wondering if they come up with
the idea after watching these guys.
As if they're advanced
tactics or something.
Yeah, look at this walkway.
There's not even any guardrails.
I'd say the aliens are as
advanced as they are backwards,
but that's an gross simplification.
It's more like they're a
mess of a society
that's managed to stumble upon a
couple of advanced technologies.
Damn, I don't think
I can carry much more.
I'll just come back here
if the need arises,
which it... probably will eventually.
Okay, nothing here except our stuff.
See, this is what I mean.
All of our weaponry that's
been teleported here
is just lying around like it's garbage.
If the aliens had our intelligence,
they would be hoarding this stuff
and studying the hell out of it.
Our weapons are obviously
better than theirs.
Christ, some of our scientists
were studying the aliens
at Black Mesa while it was under attack!
That's how ahead of them we are.
And yet, they have forcefields,
manufacture their own soldiers,
and use teleporters like they're
bus stops. I don't get it.
Hey, there's somebody up there.
He's giving me this mystical look.
Ah, damn. Thought I had him.
Well, he's standing still...
Did I get him? I think I did.
I hope he was their prophet. That would
be a nice omen for them to dwell on.
Some shells! Yeah, buckshot,
alien shot, it's all the same.
Man, they have tripmines
lying around, too,
but that's more for when
I go to sleep, y'know?
Okay, almost to the top and-- Oh!
Man, I really hope I did kill
their prophet or oracle or whatever.
That actually would explain this
elaborate and impractical architecture;
Why not? Just build it right
next to the manufacturing plant.
Floating island space
is limited after all.
If I get up there and find some religious
symbols, I'm gonna wear them as a hat.
If I'm lucky, they'll bow down to me.
But, if not, I might
at least demoralize them.
If I want to go the extra mile,
I could cut off the leader's
head and wear it around my neck.
I think among complete aliens, that still
sends a pretty universal message.
Eh, I probably won't do that.
It would smell awful plus I
don't have any rope.
There hast to be SOME way to
instill fear in these things.
Although those fliers just
come at me kamikaze
even when I blow their
friends out of the air.
Oh, so here's the big surprise.
Another dead researcher.
Yeah, this guy just fell to his death.
He wouldn't walk through the other
aliens just to come up here to die.
Oh, yeah. Dead explorers
leave the best mementos.
If it's not supplies, you get a
long detailed log of what happened.
I still can't believe we sent
so many to their deaths.
I mean, this is already more people than
have ever died in the space program.
Yah! I am the master of navigation.
But, yeah, they didn't send me here to
get even. I'm just meat in the grinder.
There's a fucking Mengele on the
other end of those teleporter controls,
and he's not going to stop until
he's teleported the entire world here
or else somebody kills him.
I did think it was weird how they were
talking like, oh, I'm the last hope.
Yet there was a gung ho security
guard standing around
with an arsenal of weapons
and spare suits?
I guess they were just all in on it, or else
they were saving the guard for last
since they need somebody to shoot at the
Feds when they come in to shut them down.
Okay. I don't want to do
this, but... Going up!
Oh God! Okay, uh...
focus on point! Focus on point!
[alien controller call]
Shit, I looked at something!
Okay! This isn't spinning as much...
No, you're not the TARDIS.
[alien controller call]
OH, ANOTHER ONE!
CRAMPED HALLWAYS ARE NOT YOUR
NATURAL ENVIRONMENT, YOU IDIOT!
Man! I'm definitely not convinced these are
the intelligent species around here now.
They basically act like dogs
strapped to jetpacks
that can shoot ball lightning
from their paws.
They seem to be coming from the
top; I guess there's something up there.
Maybe that rotating spark thing.
Okay, this is the LAST one I'm doing.
Oh, shit! I need to move with it, don't I?
Err, wait, no! I need to move
against it to undo it!
Okay, that's a little better...
Okay, so that WAS a
teleporter. That's good?
I must be in a cavern or
maybe a really thick cloud.
I guess I should get off these floating
platforms before they decide to stop floating.
Now, there's something
interesting going on there.
Yeah, this is definitely THE hangout spot
for... rocks surrounded by absolutely nothing.
Well, I have no idea what this
is, but this heavy metal.
It has everything... except the band.
Yeah, there's not much here, is there?
I may have screwed myself on this jump.
I'll try and remain calm.
Yeah, this IS for a band! This looks
sort of like the Godsmack logo.
VOICE #1: Big day today, Freeman.
VOICE #3: Get him out of there!
VOICE #4: ...in the first place!
VOICE #3: Shut down the equipment
VOICE #3: and someone get him out.
CAN YOU SEE ME?! IS THAT WHAT
THIS IS?! A TRANSMITTER?!
VOICE #5: They're waiting for you, Gordon,
VOICE #6: Why didn't they listen?
VOICE #5: in the Test Chamber.
VOICE #7: I wanted a cheeseburger!
Huh. This is just random chatter.
This is an intergalactic CB, but
I think it's just getting old signals.
Is there a switch in the back?
Maybe I can set it to broadcast.
Well, I have PLENTY of time to
learn how to use this, don't I?
Okay, let's try this center orb
here. Maybe it does something.
Check-check, mic check, hell--
NIHILANTH: ...FREEEEEEEMMMMMAAAAAAAANNNN...